shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
