I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
