He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
