Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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