The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
