He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We named our party play list daddy issues
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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