I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
