So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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