My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
