Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
