now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
