HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
