If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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