Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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