First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish you could order shots online.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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