I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
