just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
