I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
