I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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