you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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