Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
