he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
