Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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