i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
