Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Someone signed my nipple.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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