five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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