i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
