Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
