just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
