I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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