Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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