the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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