So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
