and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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