What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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