I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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