VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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