pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
