all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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