i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
