i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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