I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
