the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
