Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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