He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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