Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
