Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
