Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
