dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sorry about my life...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
