i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
