yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When are your genitals available?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
