I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
