people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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