my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
