Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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