So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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