We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
