What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
