Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
