i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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