We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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