Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
