guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
