You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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