And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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