I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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