He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
