I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
