my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The ass gains better be worth it
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