she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
