i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
