please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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