We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
