If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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