What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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